Coffee Dilemma

I love my coffee. I NEED my coffee. The only time I don't drink my coffee in the morning is if I'm sick or I've got the nastiest pregnancy heartburn in the world. My routine is: up by 6:30am or 7:00am (at the latest) and by 9:00am I usually have my usual 2 cups of coffee. Sometimes, if I really really need it to stay sane, I'll have a third cup before noon.

My dilemma is this:
I never liked coffee before. Not coffee that tasted like coffee anyway. I usually splurged on Starbucks every once in a while, but that was it. Never liked the taste. But over the past couple years....well, actually since Steve died, I've taken to not only liking coffee, but needing it. Now, having established my "history of drinking", I have recently been plagued with thoughts of having to quit. Why? I'm afraid it may affect the baby's sleep patterns, diet, etc because I plan on exclusively breastfeeding him. I never had this issue with either Hayden or Yvette.

I don't want to quit. But I will if necessary. My logic is this: I've been drinking it throughout this whole pregnancy. Why stop now? Would he go through "withdrawal" with me? If that is the case then it would be best to NOT quit, right?

Twisted logic, but needing some advice......

(sigh)

Dreaming Of Him

Last night I didn't sleep well because the kids kept waking up. They have both been sick with nasty little colds for the past 2 days. But the strange thing is that even though I woke up several times throughout the night, when I slept I still returned to dreaming of Stephen. I dreamed of memories. I dreamed that he was still here and visiting us in our new house. I dreamed about going through pictures of him with my dad and starting to cry, "I miss him so much," I'd say. And my dad would cry too and say, "I know...me too."

Simple Pleasures

I have been without an oven since just before New Years. Yes...that would be almost 2 months without an oven. What have I been doing?, you ask. Well, I've exhausted every crockpot recipe TWICE. To the point that John told me "NO MORE CROCKPOT." Thank goodness I had some already made meals in the freezer that only needed to be heated up. We've done fried foods, sandwiches, wraps, salads, "brenners" (breakfast for dinner), etc. But now...NOW I have an oven. John figured out what was wrong with it and fixed it!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!

My first meal in the oven was baked fish. Homemade baked fish. Understand that in the past I never successfully made fish in the oven, on the stove, on the grill, or otherwise. But tonight...on Ash Wednesday, I succeeded. And what a success!!!! It was delicious. It was in the oven. And it was a wonderful wonderful feeling to really cook again.

Oh, how I missed my oven. Lent is supposed to be a time of sacrifice and fasting. I'm going to have a hard time NOT baking up a storm...NOT feasting on wonderous foods that we've been without. Perhaps the sacrifice can be in extending the deliciousness to others....generosity. Yes....generosity.

My Girl and Her Hats...

Contentment

After we lost our second baby to miscarriage and less than a year later suffered the excruciating loss of my brother Stephen, I never really thought I'd reach a point of true contentment. I knew that happiness is more a state of mind than a state of being. But with such heartache, one tends to want to wallow in it...find companionship in the sorrow...WITH sorrow. And in those moments it is hard to see oneself outside of it. I had defined myself by my loss. But somewhere...at some moment, God must have trickled in because I don't remember making any conscience decision to move forward. It just sort of happened. And with that came peace...smiles...and HAPPINESS.

I can say that I am truly truly content with my life.

The pain and heartache will never go away. I will never stop missing them. I will never stop loving them. And there will never be a day that passes where I don't think of them. But I can be happy. I can be content.

I AM.

Moms Are Truly The BEST Medicine

Not that I'm ill or in desperate need or anything, but Moms really truly are the best medicine for anything that ails you in any way, shape, or form.

My mother came yesterday and is leaving in a couple hours. I have had the most wonderful time with her. She came last night, ordered pizza for us, played with the kids till they couldn't stand anymore from exhaustion, sat and chatted with me for an hour after everyone went to bed, and shooed me off to bed by 10:15pm. To add to the wonderful-ness that is my mother, she proceeded to sleep in Yvette's room, got up with her in the middle of the night to change her, ended up with a bed buddy (Hayden) half way through the night, and woke up all smiles and giggles. John left for work, the rest of us were up by 7:15am, we ate a good breakfast and she played again for several hours occupying them so I could get some much needed unpacking done. A saint, I tell you!!! We had a picnic lunch in our living room, she laid down with Hayden until he fell asleep (15 minutes), and came downstairs to help me some more. Being Valentine's Day and all, I noticed I had strawberries and chocolate....so we DIPPED! Yummy! Then she asked me what she could do to help. !!!! As if being here wasn't enough!!!! She then grabbed a cleaning bucket, changed her clothes, and spent an hour scrubbing our 2nd bathroom....which needed it badly! I proceeded to work on my endless piles of laundry and unpack 5 more boxes while the kids slept. I've/we've gotten more done in the past 8 hours than I have in the past month!!!! And it is all because of her. Gosh I love that woman!
What is she doing now? As soon as Hayden woke up, we put his shoes on and she took him shopping. For what?...I'm not sure. But they are out and about on a beautiful day.

My mother is the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STREAK!

I'd post a picture but I don't think it would be appropriate.

Hayden is almost completely potty trained with the exception of sleeping times and poops. I think he is scared to poo in the toilet for some reason. ??? I'm told it is normal. ??? Anyway, lately he'll dash into the bathroom, do his business, then bolt out of the bathroom buck naked screaming "NAKE-EE NAK-EE". He then proceeds to throw his naked little body on every piece of furniture we have, do somersaults in the middle of the living room, then end the whole charade by attempting a head stand. Where he gets this type of behavior, I HAVE NO IDEA. ;-) But it is entertaining and inappropriate at the same time.

Don't worry, I've resorted to throwing sheets over the couch and wiping down the leather recliner daily. You can visit AND sit on our furniture without hesitation.

Brotherly Love???

I am absolutely beside myself. It has become abundantly clear that Hayden's mission in life is to bug the heck out of Yvette. Every opportunity he gets, he pushes her over, steals her toys, teases her with things she shouldn't/can't have, confines her in some way or another, startles her, did I say pushes her over and steals her toys?
It is driving me crazy! He better not be setting the pace for the rest of their childhood/adolescence because if that is how it is going to be.....they may end up bubble wrapped and sent to AbuDabi.

"Bringing Home the Bacon"

In an economy that is struggling, everyone seeks to find ways to cut costs, reduce unnecessary spending, build some sort of reserve (be it money or what have you), etc. I have found a renewed appreciation for a well stocked freezer.

With little intended effort, our box freezer in the garage is bursting with a wonderful variety of healthy non-processed yummy-ness: frozen fruits, frozen homegrown vegetables, shredded cheeses, homegrown chickens, venison, ground beef, a variety of roasts, an abundance of pork chops, a seemingly endless supply of bacon, and the pregnant woman's staple...ice cream. OH, I can't forget to mention the delicious homemade meals my mother put together and sent for us......her famous lasagna, pork and gravy, banana bread, etc.
(sigh)

With the variety of meat in the freezer which will inevitably last us well into the summer (hopefully), we have been able to use our grocery budget sparingly. It is a wonderful wonderful feeling. As the primary grocery shopper/cook/keeper of the food, finding ways to save in this area offers great satisfaction...especially when prices on staple food keeps going up and up and up. Can you believe that I can't get 1lb of lean ground beef here for under $2.50/lb (on sale!)?! Prices are insane! Needless to say, we are forever grateful that God provided a way for us to save enough money and purchase this house as soon as we did. With the space that we now have, we can grow much of our own produce, some poultry, and John can hunt on the remaining small pieces of land we won't be using. Never did I imagine myself turning into a little "farm wife" and actually finding satisfaction in it. But I am.

My Husband the Hero...

Just to give you a taste of the wonder that is my husband...

John works a rigorous schedule as it is.....12 hour shifts - alternating days and nights. Those of you who have worked shift work know that this can take a serious toll on your body, spirits, and family. BUT, John has got a very good, secure, well paying job with a fantastic company (Cargill). And in an economy that is severely struggling, this is a huge huge blessing. Since we moved here in July, John has tried to take advantage of as much overtime as he can handle (within reason) for the sake of building some padding in our savings, stashing for a down payment on our home, paying down student loans, and saving for the many various needs that arise randomly. In December he worked a solid 10 days in a row switching shifts half way through. That was hard on everyone! But the check at the end of the month paid off and significantly paid down our home loan. Well, he has done it again. John is on day 5 of 5 overnights in a row...he'll have 1 day off tomorrow (half of which he will sleep), only to return to work a 4-day day stretch with 1.5 days off and then back onto 2 nights in a row. Seriously!!!...my husband is a saint...a hero. His rational in signing up for the extra days is "the overtime will pay for a new refrigerator that is very much needed, a new computer printer that you've been asking for, and will add some much needed padding back in our savings." How fortunate am I that God has blessed me with such a man. A good man. An honest man. A hard worker. A wonderful and patient father. A generous, loving, faithful, and devoted husband.

Need I say more?...because I can...and I will at some point....

Ages and Stages

Though Hayden has proven to be a very well behaved 3 year old boy comparable to many others, I have found 2 things that drive me absolutely insane during this age/phase:

1. Selective hearing.
2. The nap transition.

Now, understanding that I grew up in a household of men, selective hearing is far from a foreign concept. What is shocking to me is how young the trait seems to set in. Is it a learned behavior or is it innate among men? Hmmm. I find myself either saying things (literally) 10 times before raising my voice to an octave that I'd rather not become accustomed OR simply begin with the higher octave and get the point across immediately. I did not grow up in a household where yelling was accepted NOR will I submit my family to it on a regular basis. However, I am running out of options. Time out does not seem to work...though we are trying various versions of it from time to time. Spanking is not something we care to resort to on every occasion - though on some it has been necessary. Rewards have not proven useful as of yet...the concept isn't quite sinking in at this age. And ignoring a behavior is only enabling him. What is a parent to do?

We are also struggling with the inevitable nap transition. Hayden does would prefer not to take a nap in the afternoon at this point. However, I would prefer him to...John would prefer him to...and our collective sanity would prefer him to. Does this seem to sink in with him? Absolutely not. He is at the stage where he can go without a nap and be fairly tolerable. However, by the end of the day he reaches a state of overtiredness that is usually unbearable and it tends to keep him up that much longer. Why the heck does he fight it so much? My mom suggested doing the whole "quiet time" thing. Doesn't work. Not on this kid.

Needless to say, I am trying to find some peace of mind in these transitional stages that every child goes through. I just wish the books were as easy to follow as they are to read and relate to.

Hanging onto my sanity a few hours at a time.....

Our Piece of Earth

Here are some outside pictures of the house. The weather finally warmed up enough where I could get far enough away from the house without getting blown away or freeze to death. It is our little piece of earth and we LOVE IT!!!! It is just over 9 acres with 2400 sq ft of house. I'll post inside pics when things get a bit more ordered. We are still FAR from being unpacked. And since we've been apartment living for the past 2 years our furnishings are slim to none existent. So hopefully we'll get that taken care of in due time...

Miss Yvette...need I say more?