Merry Christmas and Bahh Humbug

If it is possible to be a Christmas moosh AND a grinch at the same time then that would be what I am at this point. Such bittersweet feelings about celebrating Christmas this year. Especially in the way we usually do.....decorating, nativities, cookies, family dinners, gifts, church, games, etc. Doing all this without Steve hardly seems right or fair. For weeks I was insistent that Christmas just come and go. We do the absolute minimal. Until yesterday. I finally forced myself to put up our Christmas tree. And what a beautiful tree it is. The glow of the lights and Christmas carols in the background....watching the kids gaze at the tree.....well, it put me in the mood. And I suddenly realized how much we've missed out because of my bleak attitude towards the holidays this year. Who am I to rob my kids of the joy and festivities that Christmas time brings?! What a poop I've been! And so I resolve today and the next couple of weeks to be joyful, celebrate, and be grateful for the family that IS here...our children, my husband, my parents, Bell, Abby, Megan, Bethany, Emily, my brothers. For the time that I do have with them right now. To make those memories for the children. And to remember Steve as the wonderful and irreplaceable man that he was. I love you and miss your terribly Stephen....